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Christmas Fic 2014: Jail Break
Dec. 25th, 2014 07:25 amTitle: Jail Break
For: My Lovely Warden Twin
---
Fort Drakon was built like any other fortress Hansel had seen back home. The wall were huge, the towers imposing and guards were patrolling back and forth. It would be impossible to assault it directly without siege equipment or explosives but those were both in short supply.
“Do not look so gloomy, my friend,” Zevran said, slapping him on the soldier. “I have a fool proof plan for getting us inside to rescue your Warden dear.”
“Bullshit.” Hansel remembered the elf’s ambush that resulted in him joining their little group. The man wasn’t the best strategist he had ever seen. He certainly wasn’t like Gretel. “We’re going with my plan. Don’t fucking argue.”
Zevran crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at him. Hansel rolled his eyes and pulled out a pair of witch manacles. He held them in front of the elf’s nose. “You’re my prisoner. I’m taking you to the cells.”
“That… is a fairly reasonable plan. Well done. Though, perhaps next time you will buy me a bottle of wine before you chain me up, yes?”
Hansel rolled his eyes, not the least bit impressed with the elf’s flirting. Zevran would flirt with the dog if it suited him. None of it meant anything besides being annoying as fuck.
“You can probably pick these open,” he said as he clamped them around Zevran’s wrists. “I made them to resist magic, not lockpicks. Witches don’t tend to think of simple things like that.”
Zevran rolled his wrists around, touched the locking mechanism with his fingers and nodded. “Si, should be easy enough if I need to get out of them. Now, take me away. I have been a naughty, naughty elf.”
“Fucking elves,” Hansel muttered under his breath which got a laugh out of his ‘prisoner’.
No one stopped them at the front gate, which made no sense. Hansel wasn’t in a guard uniform. He wasn’t dressed like a soldier. He didn’t look or dress like anyone in this strange land he had found himself in. No one batted an eye though and simply let him walk into the heart of the fort without looking twice at him. No wonder they were winning this war. These soldiers were idiots.
“The prison wing is that way,” Zevran said softly, his eyes looking over the interior, looking for exits and weak points. Hansel didn’t think he was a great assassin but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew what he was doing. He gave a nod to say he heard and turned in the direction he indicated with a glance.
“Halt,” a guard stopped them at a door, one hand raised. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Hansel raised an eyebrow at the guy. “I’ve got a prisoner. I’m taking him to a cell.” He rattled the chain of the manacles. “Loghain’s failed assassin was caught inside the city last night. He’s going to be publically executed tomorrow, Loghain’s orders.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, no we heard.” The guy grinned at Hansel under his helmet and pulled the door open. “I’m surprised he’s only got one guard.”
“The Captain wants to keep it quiet in case the Crows come to get him,” Hansel lied easily as they passed through the door. “If we’re not careful everyone will have their throats slit before they can blink.”
The door closed on the guard’s wary look and Zevran’s quiet chuckle. “You are an accomplished liar mage hunter. I’m very impressed. You’re usually so… direct.”
“My sister and I used to lie and steal when we were kids.” He left it at that. He won’t tell Zevran about the years he and his sister spent living on the streets, avoiding all the orphanages who wanted to round them up. They don’t fit in with polite society for a reason and it’s not because what they do isn’t very polite.
A second door, a second set of guards and they’re passed without any problems with the same excuse as before. Hansel had a lot of advice for the people of Ferelden, the first was don’t be so trusting. It was amazing these people hadn’t been invaded yet.
“Halt.” A more serious voice said. A man in much fancier armor approached them, a sword and shield strapped on his back. Hansel immediately took him for someone of rank and power. Not good. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m escorting the prisoner to his cell,” he said calmly, though he could see Zevran reaching for the lock on the manacles with a pick. That was a good voice of confidence.
“Do you have papers for him?”
“I was told to put him in a cell, that’s all sir.” Hansel ground his teeth on the word sir. It wasn’t one he liked to use especially when talking with a dick bag like this guy.
“By who?”
He glanced over at Zevran who had the manacles undone and went with his favorite plan: fuck it.
“Your asshole,” he said and slammed his forehead into the man’s nose. He swung his shotgun around forward and shot the guard point blank in the chest. He exploded in a shower of blood and guts, leaving Hansel blinking blood from his eyes.
“I was going to slit his throat but I suppose that works too,” Zevran drawled, spinning a dagger through his fingers.
“This was taking too long anyway.” Hansel stole the man’s sword, tested its weight in his hand and decided it would do. He had a limited supply of shells left and didn’t want to use his gun until he figured out how to get more gunpowder.
“True, but it was working.” Zevran went through the guard’s pockets and then dusted off his hands. “Since that weapon of yours makes a lot of noise perhaps we should keep moving before reinforcements arrive, yes?”
“Sure.”
They set off at a jog and Hansel crashed the next door open with his shoulder, startling the four guards on the other side. It was an effective distraction, allowing Zevran to slip along the wall and get behind them as they charged Hansel as one wave of steel and shouting halt.
He ran one through the ribs, ducked under the swing of another and flipped him over his shoulder. A quick stomp on his throat shut one up and then he was forced to side step as one took a swing at his head.
Zevran was there seconds later with a single, sure drag of his dagger across the man’s throat. Hansel used the man he had run through as a human shield as the remaining guard came at him. His leather armor was good for fighting witches but heavy swords were a problem. He shoved the body at the living guard, yanked his sword free and let Zevran finish him off with a quick flurry of stabs along the weak points in the guard’s armor.
“Ha ha, you fight with such brutish skill. It’s an embarrassment to watch you flail about and somehow still make the kill.”
“Shut the fuck up and keep moving.”
Yes, he lacked training in hand to hand combat. A witch hunter didn’t want to get close to a witch. A lot of spells and curses were very effective at close range and no matter what immunity they had to dark magic he and his sister learned to shoot from a distance.
In Ferelden, everyone came at him with swords and daggers and he only had a crossbow in response. It was a piece of shit world that didn’t have gunpowder. He was already rebuilding the double crossbow he made for Gretel so he could at least be effective without a gun.
They came through the final door and into the prisons where Zevran leapt on the guard before he could say a word. Hansel scanned the cells, stopped short and raised his eyebrows. “Maybe I should’ve let myself get captured with you.”
“Really, Hansel?” Elle did not sound impressed. “Open the door and get us out of here.”
“And help us find clothes, if you would,” Alistair said, his hands held over his crotch as Zevran whistled at him. “Stop that!”
“But when am I going to enjoy such art until I return to Antiva?” Zevran asked, spinning a ring of keys on a finger. “The Maker has given me a gift today, I should enjoy it.”
Hansel walked over to the cell, jammed the sword into the lock and twisted it until the lock popped open, the door swinging inward with a little push.
“Must you ruin my fun, mage hunter?”
“Hell yes.” He shrugged out of his coat and tossed it around Elle’s shoulders, which got him a glare and a huff of annoyance, which he expected. She wasn’t impressed with romantic gestures like that. Hansel didn’t give a fuck.
“Search the place. They couldn’t have brought our weapons to the armory already,” Elle said, already back in command. “I’m not leaving without my daggers. I need them to carve Lohhain’s eyes out of his head.”
“I fucking love you,” Hansel said with a ridiculous grin.
“Shut the fuck up and help me find my armor.” But he saw her little pleased grin and knew, later, they were going to embarrass the fuck out of the estate staff with how loud they were. He wondered if he could fuck her in his coat.
For: My Lovely Warden Twin
---
Fort Drakon was built like any other fortress Hansel had seen back home. The wall were huge, the towers imposing and guards were patrolling back and forth. It would be impossible to assault it directly without siege equipment or explosives but those were both in short supply.
“Do not look so gloomy, my friend,” Zevran said, slapping him on the soldier. “I have a fool proof plan for getting us inside to rescue your Warden dear.”
“Bullshit.” Hansel remembered the elf’s ambush that resulted in him joining their little group. The man wasn’t the best strategist he had ever seen. He certainly wasn’t like Gretel. “We’re going with my plan. Don’t fucking argue.”
Zevran crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at him. Hansel rolled his eyes and pulled out a pair of witch manacles. He held them in front of the elf’s nose. “You’re my prisoner. I’m taking you to the cells.”
“That… is a fairly reasonable plan. Well done. Though, perhaps next time you will buy me a bottle of wine before you chain me up, yes?”
Hansel rolled his eyes, not the least bit impressed with the elf’s flirting. Zevran would flirt with the dog if it suited him. None of it meant anything besides being annoying as fuck.
“You can probably pick these open,” he said as he clamped them around Zevran’s wrists. “I made them to resist magic, not lockpicks. Witches don’t tend to think of simple things like that.”
Zevran rolled his wrists around, touched the locking mechanism with his fingers and nodded. “Si, should be easy enough if I need to get out of them. Now, take me away. I have been a naughty, naughty elf.”
“Fucking elves,” Hansel muttered under his breath which got a laugh out of his ‘prisoner’.
No one stopped them at the front gate, which made no sense. Hansel wasn’t in a guard uniform. He wasn’t dressed like a soldier. He didn’t look or dress like anyone in this strange land he had found himself in. No one batted an eye though and simply let him walk into the heart of the fort without looking twice at him. No wonder they were winning this war. These soldiers were idiots.
“The prison wing is that way,” Zevran said softly, his eyes looking over the interior, looking for exits and weak points. Hansel didn’t think he was a great assassin but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew what he was doing. He gave a nod to say he heard and turned in the direction he indicated with a glance.
“Halt,” a guard stopped them at a door, one hand raised. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Hansel raised an eyebrow at the guy. “I’ve got a prisoner. I’m taking him to a cell.” He rattled the chain of the manacles. “Loghain’s failed assassin was caught inside the city last night. He’s going to be publically executed tomorrow, Loghain’s orders.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, no we heard.” The guy grinned at Hansel under his helmet and pulled the door open. “I’m surprised he’s only got one guard.”
“The Captain wants to keep it quiet in case the Crows come to get him,” Hansel lied easily as they passed through the door. “If we’re not careful everyone will have their throats slit before they can blink.”
The door closed on the guard’s wary look and Zevran’s quiet chuckle. “You are an accomplished liar mage hunter. I’m very impressed. You’re usually so… direct.”
“My sister and I used to lie and steal when we were kids.” He left it at that. He won’t tell Zevran about the years he and his sister spent living on the streets, avoiding all the orphanages who wanted to round them up. They don’t fit in with polite society for a reason and it’s not because what they do isn’t very polite.
A second door, a second set of guards and they’re passed without any problems with the same excuse as before. Hansel had a lot of advice for the people of Ferelden, the first was don’t be so trusting. It was amazing these people hadn’t been invaded yet.
“Halt.” A more serious voice said. A man in much fancier armor approached them, a sword and shield strapped on his back. Hansel immediately took him for someone of rank and power. Not good. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m escorting the prisoner to his cell,” he said calmly, though he could see Zevran reaching for the lock on the manacles with a pick. That was a good voice of confidence.
“Do you have papers for him?”
“I was told to put him in a cell, that’s all sir.” Hansel ground his teeth on the word sir. It wasn’t one he liked to use especially when talking with a dick bag like this guy.
“By who?”
He glanced over at Zevran who had the manacles undone and went with his favorite plan: fuck it.
“Your asshole,” he said and slammed his forehead into the man’s nose. He swung his shotgun around forward and shot the guard point blank in the chest. He exploded in a shower of blood and guts, leaving Hansel blinking blood from his eyes.
“I was going to slit his throat but I suppose that works too,” Zevran drawled, spinning a dagger through his fingers.
“This was taking too long anyway.” Hansel stole the man’s sword, tested its weight in his hand and decided it would do. He had a limited supply of shells left and didn’t want to use his gun until he figured out how to get more gunpowder.
“True, but it was working.” Zevran went through the guard’s pockets and then dusted off his hands. “Since that weapon of yours makes a lot of noise perhaps we should keep moving before reinforcements arrive, yes?”
“Sure.”
They set off at a jog and Hansel crashed the next door open with his shoulder, startling the four guards on the other side. It was an effective distraction, allowing Zevran to slip along the wall and get behind them as they charged Hansel as one wave of steel and shouting halt.
He ran one through the ribs, ducked under the swing of another and flipped him over his shoulder. A quick stomp on his throat shut one up and then he was forced to side step as one took a swing at his head.
Zevran was there seconds later with a single, sure drag of his dagger across the man’s throat. Hansel used the man he had run through as a human shield as the remaining guard came at him. His leather armor was good for fighting witches but heavy swords were a problem. He shoved the body at the living guard, yanked his sword free and let Zevran finish him off with a quick flurry of stabs along the weak points in the guard’s armor.
“Ha ha, you fight with such brutish skill. It’s an embarrassment to watch you flail about and somehow still make the kill.”
“Shut the fuck up and keep moving.”
Yes, he lacked training in hand to hand combat. A witch hunter didn’t want to get close to a witch. A lot of spells and curses were very effective at close range and no matter what immunity they had to dark magic he and his sister learned to shoot from a distance.
In Ferelden, everyone came at him with swords and daggers and he only had a crossbow in response. It was a piece of shit world that didn’t have gunpowder. He was already rebuilding the double crossbow he made for Gretel so he could at least be effective without a gun.
They came through the final door and into the prisons where Zevran leapt on the guard before he could say a word. Hansel scanned the cells, stopped short and raised his eyebrows. “Maybe I should’ve let myself get captured with you.”
“Really, Hansel?” Elle did not sound impressed. “Open the door and get us out of here.”
“And help us find clothes, if you would,” Alistair said, his hands held over his crotch as Zevran whistled at him. “Stop that!”
“But when am I going to enjoy such art until I return to Antiva?” Zevran asked, spinning a ring of keys on a finger. “The Maker has given me a gift today, I should enjoy it.”
Hansel walked over to the cell, jammed the sword into the lock and twisted it until the lock popped open, the door swinging inward with a little push.
“Must you ruin my fun, mage hunter?”
“Hell yes.” He shrugged out of his coat and tossed it around Elle’s shoulders, which got him a glare and a huff of annoyance, which he expected. She wasn’t impressed with romantic gestures like that. Hansel didn’t give a fuck.
“Search the place. They couldn’t have brought our weapons to the armory already,” Elle said, already back in command. “I’m not leaving without my daggers. I need them to carve Lohhain’s eyes out of his head.”
“I fucking love you,” Hansel said with a ridiculous grin.
“Shut the fuck up and help me find my armor.” But he saw her little pleased grin and knew, later, they were going to embarrass the fuck out of the estate staff with how loud they were. He wondered if he could fuck her in his coat.
